I am thankful that God allowed my life to intersect with Kielyn Smith’s! She has become such a dear, sweet sister in Christ and friend to me. We serve together in ministry and study God’s Word together in our accountability bible study. I can always count on Kielyn to brighten my day with her smile, laughter, and always-encouraging words. Anyone that knows her would say that she has an incredibly big heart filled with the kindness and compassion that comes from a close relationship with her Savior. Kielyn is one of my prayer warriors and has always supported me to step out in faith, trusting and believing that God has a plan and a purpose for whatever I am facing in life. We have had many conversations about how God might use this blog to encourage people, and I know that she has a heart’s desire to Inspire Hope in the lives of the people that God brings her way. That’s why I am delighted for you to hear her perspective this week.
When Kielyn’s dream of having a close relationship with her earthly father was taken away, God clearly showed her that He has and will continue to always love her and give her the things that only He can provide. He has given her brothers and sisters in Christ who have become like family to her and most importantly, she knows that she is a “child of the one true King!”
Kielyn’s Perspective and Story…
There I was. Curled on my couch; crying like never before; in my husband’s arms. He was just holding me, as I said “Why God?” This is exactly what I needed. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and had a hard time breathing between tears. I was broken. No words could sum up the pain and anger that I felt at that very moment. The moment I answered the phone, and wished I hadn’t. As if not answering the phone would have reversed time, reversed the person on the other end telling me my dad had died, or even taken my pain away.
I wasn’t sad and angry because I had a loving relationship with him. I was sad about the finality of my dreams. As the tears fell down my cheeks, I began to think about all the dreams I had already missed out on…The dream of him teaching me how to fish, him walking me down the aisle, or even him taking me out for ice cream. Then there were the dreams I held so close to my heart…the dream of hearing his voice, the dream of him being a real grandfather, and the dream of hearing him apologize for walking out on my family when I was 2. The dream I truly wanted most was to hear the words, “I love you Kielyn”. And now, in a matter of seconds they were all gone. “Why God?” “Why did you take him from this world before I could even meet him? Why did you allow him to even walk away?” These were burning questions inside of me.
As days went by, and time didn’t reverse, and my questions remained unanswered; I decided, along with my siblings, to attend his funeral. That decision was one of the most gut wrenching things for me to do. I was heartbroken and nervous at the same time. Heartbroken over the loss, and nervous about seeing family I hadn’t seen in years. Aunts, uncles, and cousins were there to welcome us with tender hearts, and understanding of our situation.
At the end of the service, my siblings and I each got an individual letter from our aunt that was written by our father. It took some time for me to read it. I wasn’t sure what I would read and was I prepared? When I finally read it; once again tears.
He said the “sorry”. He said the “I love you”. But what hit me the most is these words, “I am in heaven, and you have a Heavenly Father that loves you.” These at first made me mad. Why after the way he treated me would he tell me that? It really felt like one more punch to me. This is when I truly started to pray. I remember telling God how hurt and mad I was. I sobbed, and asked for help with everything. “Just help me move on.”
I didn’t pray this prayer just once. I prayed it many times. As I prayed, and looked for answers God showed me who He was, and who I was in Him. I began actually reading my Bible, and learning what I do have.
I have a Heavenly Father that cannot be taken from me.
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:14-15
In Him , I have peace, comfort, and hope.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
In Him, I have protection and strength.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah Psalm 46:1-3
In Him, I have forgiveness.
In Him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. Ephesians 1:7
As I was in the Bible, and praying, God taught me along the way. He is my perfect, all-knowing Heavenly Father, but He is also my father’s Heavenly Father. He loves him just as much as he loves me. He loves all sinners just as much as he loves me. As I let go of my selfishness and pride, he taught me that He has always been there. He was there when my dad left. He was there when I fished for the first time. He was there when I walked down the aisle, and His Word always says, “I love you, Kielyn.” I am thankful for my experiences now. I have received a much greater gifts, a relationship with my Heavenly Father, and a relationship with so many brothers and sisters in Christ. I am so thankful now that my father is freed of his addictions, and that he is Heaven. What a blessing a letter can be, and because of these experiences God has taught me to be compassionate. I am so thankful to be saved by grace, and to be a “child of the one true king.”